Have you ever been in a discussion or listening to a presentation where one word or phrase sends you down an unexpected direction? I suppose that the new direction in your mind could be considered helpful or maybe not so helpful, but your mind follows the path ahead.
There is research that states that we can only understand or take in whatever we encounter through our current lens. This lens is defined by our current set of knowledge, including both conscious and unconscious understandings. We only know what we know, and new information comes through that filter.
I had an experience where I brought a quote to a gathering. It was from a mystic that spoke deeply to me about community and shared contemplation. It had words in the quote that at one time would have triggered my own feelings rooted in past religious understandings. In my current understanding, these words don’t cause that kind of reaction for me because I have redefined them. I’ve had to work through the implications of often viewed exclusionary terms through a different lens. For me, the phrase was open, free, and inclusive. I understood the words based on the author's mystical understanding of God as Love, which is evident in his other writings.
Others struggled with the words and reacted to the exclusion evident in the phraseology present in the quote. I had missed it, and they reacted to it. If we are only able to understand through our own lens, the acceptance or reaction to a phrase tells us much about the lens we currently use.
In an undergraduate class I teach, Christian Faith and Thought, I use a slide of the words kindergartners use for the Pledge of Allegiance. The young students use “Richard stands” instead of “Republic Stands” and “the library down the hall” for “liberty for all.” These familiar words make much more sense than the words they have never heard before. We only know what we know, and we understand through that lens.
One of the gifts of teaching this course is allowing students to discover the lens they use to understand the world without judgment of themselves or others in the room. As they begin to trust the space we create together; they begin to identify their own lens. Then they can allow others in the room to help them redefine it in some ways and to further define it in other ways.
This kind of understanding is the gift of noticing where we get triggered. It allows us to take notice and to look deeply into what is going on in us, just beneath the surface. This process requires letting go of judgments toward those who disagree with us. We can only let go of our judgments when we notice them without judging ourselves in the process. Those who disagree with us aren’t the enemy, and neither are we. The dissonance created by being triggered helps us to take notice of our lens and surface how we make meaning around what we hold to be true.
The gift of doing this in community is allowing others to help us notice what we aren't able to see ourselves. Maybe it is more significant than we have understood previously. Often, this gift happens as people who live in a place of privilege listen to others who are part of an oppressed people group in some way. When we listen to the other, we can hear the full story and begin to hold the space that our view is only one facet of the larger picture.
My experience offered an invitation to listen without becoming defensive, as others were triggered. I could discount their experience, or I could follow the invitation to notice and allow their understanding to further refine and define my own. It gives me a broader perspective of community and walking alongside others.
That said, some words trigger me due to my background. When I encounter those words, the invitation is to take notice and allow the fuller perspective of the community to refine and define my understandings. This process is the gift of doing this work in community. It is part of the contemplative life - living in the giving and receiving flow of the Love of God. It is a beautiful thing and flows from a small group of people, through the one meeting, and way beyond into all the world. That is living in the flow of goodness and Love.
We don’t often have opportunities for this kind of discussion in our current political climate. We tend to debate, deciding who is right and who is wrong, instead of a public discourse that allows all those involved to be transformed. This work can not be done in isolation. The invitation is to allow disagreements and let the one in front of you speak into your life and you into theirs.
I will be teaching a series through the Companioning Center this fall - Discovering Your Lens. We will travel through 6-week courses designed to take a look at what has shaped what we hold to be true about faith. The first session will look at how our faith has been shaped through history, and the following one will be what we hold true about Scripture and the impact of our beliefs. These 6-week courses will be an opportunity to share in community what we believe and allow the community to help us look at the implications of those beliefs as well as redefining them. It isn’t about changing someone else’s lens, but it offers an opportunity to learn from others who might not believe the same way we do. In the journey together, we can notice ourselves, our lens, and others as we are all transformed together.
Check out companioningcenter.org for more information in coming weeks.
I find it interesting how we understand what we read based on the lens we use to understand the world. I have always read this particular verse based on my own understanding of needing to fit the "right" behavior, doing what is "right."
"I love each of you with the same love that the Father loves me. You must continually let my love nourish your hearts. If you keep my commands, you will live in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands, for I continually live nourished and empowered by his love. My purpose for telling you these things is so that the joy that I experience will fill your hearts with overflowing gladness! So this is my command: Love each other deeply, as much as I have loved you." John 15:9-12 TPT
In the past, I have understood my obedience to Jesus' commandments as a condition for God's love. Being loved meant behaving correctly. This isn't really unconditional love, is it? Unconditional means being loved has nothing to do with behavior. So what could Jesus be saying here if obedience isn't a condition to being loved?
The very last verse of this section states the only commandment necessary. We are to love each other deeply, just like Jesus has loved us. That is it! So basically, as we love one another, we will be loved. The gift, the longing we all have to love and be loved is met in our loving one another. That is very simple, but not really all that easy.
We all desire to love and be loved. Throughout society, the lack of compassion and the lack of experiencing the giving and receiving flow of love is evident. Currently, we are experiencing greater divisiveness in the public sphere. So much so, relationships that once close, both with family and friends, are becoming divided and tense.
So, how do we walk this out? Embracing our own inner journey of discovering who we are is the first step. This starts in giving up our understanding of our inner core as evil. It actually goes back to before Genesis 3 and allows for an understanding of ourselves as created in the image of God, the Imago Dei. Instead of defining our goodness or badness based in the Fall, we can embrace our identity defined by our original blessing - God stating humankind as very good.
As we begin to understand ourselves as very good and worthy of love, we can know God as the One who loves us more intimately than we experientially have understood. The more we know about ourselves, the more we know about God. The more we know about God, the more we know about ourselves. Seeing ourselves as beloved creates the space for having compassion for those around us because we don't need to try to be something more than we are.
When we understand ourselves as beloved, we can start to believe the best about everyone around us. This understanding of being beloved has to be experienced, well beyond rationally believing it as truth. We are invited to experientially know this truth of our identity deep down into our bones, as our essence of existence. Having this understanding changes everything because we can become secure in who we are without having to prove we are who we think we should be.
From this space of being beloved, we can see that of God in those around us. We can desire the highest good for another without trying to understand their behaviors or seeing their goodness. We can believe the best of one another, regardless.
Often times, people have pushed back on an understanding of God's view of us as beloved. The phrase I usually hear is "what about God's judgment." It seems that many see love and judgment on a continuum. They understand that we should find ourselves someplace in the middle of that line. Not too much love and not too much judgment. But how does an understanding of love take away the need for justice? True love is the basis of justice and compassion.
To understand ourselves and those around us as beloved takes more than a rational understanding of God's love. We have to experience it as truth, knowing it with our whole selves. Contemplative prayer is a means of understanding God and our own belovedness as a reality. We can take our minds, our rational understanding, down into our hearts and experience the God of love. It requires us to not judge our thoughts or our emotions as evil but as a place to be met by the God who loves us intimately and wholly.
This requires vulnerability, courageous vulnerability. Through the quietness of contemplative prayer, we are invited to experience an inner stillness that allows us to notice our judgments based on fear and pride. As we notice what goes on inside ourselves, the healing of our inner divisions becomes possible. Our ability to live as beloved and whole is as simple as becoming aware of when we aren't, and allowing God to meet us there, bringing a healing touch to our fears and doubts. The healing touch of love helps us to live as who we truly are instead of who we think we should be. This requires stillness, awareness, vulnerability, and discernment in community. And part of that community is allowing ourselves to be that kind of space, not only for ourselves but for those around us. We will do this very imperfectly and only one step at a time.
If this is a journey you are interested in, take a look at the Being Boldly Loved and Loving Boldly study series on our website. We take small groups through this series in both online and in-person small groups. Email us if you are interested in joining an upcoming group.
This last weekend I attended a training held at one of my favorite places, a local Trappist Abbey. The first morning, before it started, I took a walk by the ponds. The morning felt a little damp with a low fog, making everything a little mysterious.
As I walked between the two ponds, there was a large splash across the largest pond, and an animal of some sort was swimming straight towards me. I could not identify it and wondered if it was a dog with an owner close by. My eyes scanned the fields behind the creature, but I only saw another dog, possibly a coyote. I began to wonder what was going on - this felt very surreal. What was swimming directly towards me? What do I do? Should I be concerned?
I kept watching the creature, still unable to identify it except to recognize it was large with huge ears that stood straight up. The rest of its body was completely submerged in the water. It continued to swim directly toward me. As it came closer, I could tell it was a deer. I have never seen a deer swim before.
The doe stepped out of the water about 3 to 4 feet away from where I was standing. Her front right leg was severely wounded. It looked like it was broken and entirely out of place. It seemed swollen and painful. She pulled herself out of the water and stood on 3 legs while surveying the space around her noticing my close proximity.
Across the pond, I could now identify the coyote jumping around looking for a way to get to its intended next meal. It moved quickly and came around the same side of the pond where the deer and I stood. Further down the path it crouched, watching and waiting for what the deer would do next - would she run, would she come towards it, what would she do?
The doe’s little heart must have been beating with fear as she navigated what to do with this strange person close by, a coyote closing down on her, and the Abbey presenting a place of safety ahead. Her brown eyes connected with mine and my heart was filled with compassion for her predicament. I could tell her leg wasn’t something that would heal on its own, it needed to be reset to be functional again. All I could say as she slowly walked by was, “I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry.”
As the deer slowly walked in front of me and past my right side, the coyote watched from its crouched and ready position. I stepped between the two out of instinct. This obvious, expected process of the natural circle of life would not happen on my watch. The doe walked up towards the safety of the Abbey and the coyote, recognizing its defeat, turned and walked away. My heart was drawn to compassion for this beautiful coyote losing its prey.
As I have reflected on this surreal experience and my training at the Abbey this last weekend, I began to see a parallel in what I saw and what I experienced. In one session, my own story was triggered by something someone else had brought. I was able to do what I needed to do in my role, but my heart felt a harshness in the experience, a lack of compassion for myself. Sometimes we need to do what is before us and take care of how it makes us feel at another time. Yet, being careful to notice the pain that can get triggered is not only essential to notice but also essential to hold with compassion, grace, and love. We can actually do both at the same time. Being present and having compassion are not opposites and do not preclude one another.
The woundedness of the deer, her deep pain, fear, without any hope of the situation changing reminds me of the pain I felt being triggered during the session. The pain and the triggered experience doesn’t define me, as the wounded leg doesn’t define the doe, yet it is an invitation for compassion. We are invited to recognize, acknowledge the painful parts inside of us with an intention to return in a safe spaciousness, to hold the pain with compassion, grace, and love.
How do we do that? Well, for starters, we do it very imperfectly. We can recognize and become more tolerant of the tension we experience in discovering a place of pain, either in us or in those around us. I tend to try to fix whatever I discover inside myself. But what if it can’t be remedied so quickly? What if the gift of embracing the pain is the invitation? Instead of fixing or covering over what we discover we allow it to do the work in us. If the journey of spiritual formation, this growing in our understanding of our own belovedness, is about letting go, then we let go of the escape or numbing practices we may have and hold ourselves and those around us with compassion, being present to what we discover.
Doing so doesn’t make us stuck in a victim mode either. Being a victim or a martyr isn’t a place of compassion. True compassion doesn’t rescue or fix anyone, but it is about walking alongside while feeling with the other, even ourselves. It is treating one another and ourselves with kindness. When we try to reduce or fix an issue, it is usually about us being uncomfortable with the tension. Can we hold the tension of not being able to fix it? I didn’t fix the issue for the deer but only gave it space to live another day.
Sometimes, there are things we can do to fix the systemic issues that cause places of pain. Stepping in the middle of this natural cycle of life delayed it for another day. Both coyotes and deer deserve to live, and the natural circle of life isn’t something to fix. Yet, there are many kinds of systemic injustices in our culture that do invite us to step in the way of what seems like a natural consequence.
I believe holding pain with compassion is the ground of being able to step into places to fix systemic issues without making enemies of the other side, those who disagree with us. The coyote wasn’t doing anything but being a coyote, the way it was created to live. The coyote deserves our compassion too. The question I have been considering is who in my, your, world is an invitation for compassion today?
So much demands our attention! So many things clamor for what we have, what we can give, and who we are. The world we live in expects status, power, things to fill us. The more we strive after what we desire, the less we feel at peace. Our hunger for whatever we perceive will fill our desires never seems satiated. When is enough, truly enough?
Often there is nothing wrong with what we want in or out of life. I mean it is one thing to seek after power to use it over people but for the most part that isn’t what drives us. Maybe we are fighting for someone else or even just to make ends meet. When our desires tend to be the focus of the issue, we deny them, feeling satisfied in that solution.
I read this verse in worship the other day.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27 NIV)
In this passage, Jesus is speaking to his disciples about leaving them and the Father sending the Advocate, the Holy Spirit. I can imagine their confusion and fear hearing the message that their teacher, this rabbi who was going to save them from Roman oppression, was leaving them. But Jesus promised peace, perfect peace.
How do we live out this promised peace given all there is to do? My own schedule seems busier and busier as things continue to grow. Working is easy for me to do. Many times, I walk by my computer to only get sucked into something that needs to be done.
Jesus promised something different. Jesus promised to provide all that we need (remember the birds) and peace. As I was reflecting on this verse, I noticed that Jesus stated he did not give as the world gives. When I chase after what I think I need, it never satisfies. It is never enough. When I stop chasing, I can become content with what I have and where I am.
So, how do I stop chasing when my own ability to pay my bills rests on my working? Do I really believe the promises of Jesus? I think this goes deeper than my ability to believe. I used to think that I needed to believe hard enough like Jesus was a magician to give me what I thought I needed. But we can look around, and see that just isn’t a lived experience of many who are suffering, starving, wounded by the world in one way or another.
It isn’t like the work I do is a bad thing - it is good, very good. Often it feels like play which is undoubtedly connected to how easy it is to get sucked in by my computer when I walk by. The work is good and meaningful. And yet, God invites us to rest.
For me, the invitation is taking a Sabbath each week. It is closing my laptop and walking away while following the leaning of my heart for the agenda of the day. It can be a walk at the Abbey, in the midst of trees and the sound of running water, a chat with a friend, or a much-needed nap. The flow of the day can be whatever leads me as I rest in the day with the Creator of my soul. The One who created me to work, rest, and play.
If Jesus gives us peace, perfect peace, then our invitation is to rest in that peace without the striving, achieving, and getting it right that comes so naturally for us, for me. But to rest requires intentionality on my part. I have to know what I truly desire in my life. Getting to the guiding values of my life has been a place of knowing myself and seeing the gaze of God upon me as unconditional love, not something to be earned.
I can only live in my values and my work of hosting space for others if I lean into the rest I am offered. My intentionality started with a Rhythm of Life - a structure that is framed around what I truly desire in life. Walking through understanding and forming my own Rhythm of Life was part of my journey through seminary. Examining its usefulness and making adjustments has been a continuing of that same journey of discovery of both myself and God in the midst of my life.
Trusting Jesus’ invitation to peace, which is only possible in the space of rest in my life, hasn’t been about believing through rational thought that it was true but in resting in the trueness of it being a reality. In it, I have discerned my own guiding values - Choosing Love, Being Real, Living Simply, Embracing Family, and Valuing Life. When I can hold each of my invitations for work, life, and play through this matrix of values, I am able to discern the way forward. Can I live an authentic life according to the values I have come to realize are the core of the way I want to live? Not a forcing of believing but a living and walking out of reality. It comes not from my rational thought but from a lived groundedness deep within. This informs our discerning of the value of enoughness.
Lynn Holt and I are starting a course on March 18th which will be a space to walk through this process within a safe community. The course will be online with virtual zoom sessions to share the wisdom of the gathered community as we process what our own invitations are. If you would like to join us, please check it out on our website.
This last week has been a difficult one for my family. My daughter with her family live, or lived, in Paradise, California. The massive devastation through the CampFire has been beyond difficult for the community of Paradise. Many people have lost homes, schools, and their town. And others did not make it out alive. How do we manage such places of loss?
My daughter called me early the morning of the fire, to tell me she and her family were okay but that they were being evacuated. She had actually started leaving her house just before the mandatory evacuation. I am so thankful for her decisive action and their safety. One of the things she remembered about leaving their home was that the trees around her house were crackling. The fire wasn’t there yet, but the trees on her property were making crackling sounds.
I don’t know a whole lot about forests. Once when I was researching, I discovered that trees in a forest or grove are actually connected underground through their root system. What one tree lacks due to pests, drought, or disease, other trees send through their roots.
I wondered, was this crackling due to the heat and the approaching fire or was it the community of trees sending on the message to those further ahead? Could this be a warning to whoever or whatever was ahead of the fire?
This image - born in time of devastation - offers a beautiful illustration of community. Together, we live this life in healthier ways than if we are isolated. When we can walk alongside others within community, we can learn to share our needs and meet the needs shared.
This is what I noticed for my daughter and her family in California and for myself as I was holding my family from so far away. My daughter and son-in-law are surrounded by a community that is supporting them as they navigate life after such great loss - as they find a place to live, replace toys for the kids, and clothes for each of them, even a space for their dog. So many needs as they have lost everything.
I also see community and support being offered to them from afar. People, family and friends, who have known us throughout their lifetime, are providing support and love. I can say this speaks volumes to my momma’s heart as I watch their sadness and courage in the face of such a devastating loss.
I’ve been surprised at the impact on my own heart in watching my kids suffer. I live 500 miles away and am not able to rush down and give them a hug. Even if I could, I would not be able to make the pain and loss go away. But my heart hurts to watch them. So much so that I am unable to think about much else. I find I am paying attention to the news and the progress of the fire. I even checked to see what view was available through Google Earth. (Just so you know: it is only updated every one to three years.)
The intentional community I live in has been a place where I am welcomed just as I am. These relationships allow me to understand the intensity of my own emotions, to be honest with permission to allow the pain of holding the hurt of my family.
I wonder if this is living in community - our empathy with the others in our lives, feeling with or even in the emotions of others. When the people around us are suffer, we get to hold that burden together, and that makes it a bit lighter for all. Maybe it is in the sharing of the weight of the load that allows us to benefit from sharing the weight of the pain and also the gift of the joy together. Maybe this is the way we are designed to live, sharing the struggles and joys of life in community together instead of in isolation in this individualistic culture in which we live. This seems to be more like the trees with the root systems connected under the topsoil.
I’m thankful for the community that is surrounding my family. I’m grateful for the community that is surrounding me. I’m also grateful to be part of a community of family and friends that allows us to experience each other's grief, happiness, sadness, and joy. In community, the load is lightened and more beautiful. It comes from how we understand God - if God is about relationship, being with us, then it seems that living life in community, one with another, there is both the experience and the reality of a God who is always with us.
What if this is how we experience the goodness of God? We experience this goodness within relationship, within love, within a community of people where we can both see and be seen, to know and be known, to love and be loved.
Hello, I'm Kathi Gatlin. Thanks for stopping by!